How to manage negative feeling
Almost everyone can testify to how terrible this year has been. A lot of sadness, deaths, crimes, injustice and so on highly occurred this year and while most people struggled with depression, some others found it difficult to maintain their sanity.
But a reminder for us today is that you are not alone, if you believe you have been broke, remember that you are human and it is part of the growing stage.
This simple strategy will help you deal with some of the negative emotions you tend to feel as you go through life circumstances.
- “my imperfections are too many and i am unworthy of love and anything good”
This statement is commonly said among us. The more you buy into this story, the more it becomes your reality. Relying on someone else to feel good about yourself or measure what you are deserving of is entirely wrong.
- A crucial reminder you should always note is that “everyone is flawed”. Yes, you better believe it because no one is perfect, the only perfect being is God.
Why you don’t tend to observe the imperfections in other people is because you are comparing your insides to their outside. Another point to note is that love does not require perfection.
- Highlight all the things in your life that make you feel imperfect and unworthy.
Identify if these aspects of yourself are areas you want to improve on or are past mistakes you are yet to forgive yourself for making. After doing this, make the necessary improvement, take the lessons you’ve learned, forgive yourself and move on.
- Self love is the most important love you need. Affirm positive words to yourself, tell yourself that you are beautiful and worthy of every good thing. Invest in yourself, make time to grow, do what you live and always remember that you are worth it.
- I feel very uncertain about the future:
The fact remains that no one is certain about the future because the future is uncertain. This year has taught us that there is no job security, property security and even life security.
No one can guarantee what they will have and how long what they have will last. The moment you recognize this, it will not bother you so much. All you can do about the future is hope.
- List out the things you’d never be able to deal with. Notice how you were able to cope with them. If they were positive outcomes, that means you can survive anything and you’ll define it no matter what it is.
- Learn from a bird that sits on a very weak tree branch, the bird does not trust the branch but its wings. The bird knows what he is capable of doing. The same goes for you, focus on what you can control, build resilience, courage and flexibility.
- I can’t stop worrying:
Worrying too much causes anxiety and anxiety makes you to lose focus and crashes your immune system and causes general discomfort. Anxiety causes you to worry excessively about things that may not even happen.
- To overcome this, have a relaxation therapy or strategy. Consider mindfulness, meditations, slow deep breathing, yoga and self hypnosis.
- Identify exactly what you are worried about. You might find out that it is likely something minor or something you cannot control.
If it’s something you can control, ask yourself what you can do to avoid the outcome or change it. Take action to do it so you can stop worrying so much about it. If its something beyond your control, trust and believe you will get the best result. Remember that believing, trusting and worrying does not word hand- in- hand.
- I am not good enough:
I think almost everyone has said this phrase ( I am not good enough) to themselves through life especially when they feel down or disappointed or failed at something they try doing.
- Ask yourself what exactly isn’t good enough? Base your question on something. Compared to what? Make a list of where you need improvement.
- Feeling sad that you are not good enough for something or a particular position does not solve the problem or change how you are feeling.
Making a realistic action plan to fix those things you have listed out to improve solves the problem. Remember that you can’t fix everything all at once.
Take baby steps to get better, it may require you to get extra classes, hire a trainer/ tutor or practice daily. Make sure you are fully involved in learning because life is a school.
- Remember that your only competition is yourself, instead of comparing yourself to others, work on being a better version of yourself everyday and these includes your abilities too. Acknowledge your progress and applaud yourself for your wins.
- I feel alone:
By nature, humans are social creatures. In the bible, God saw that Adam was alone and decided to give him a companion Eve. Humans need connection, support and love. In an individualistic setting, we are more likely to feel lonely.
- The first step to take is to evaluate your relationships. Ask yourself who your friends are and do they encourage you to become better.
Who can you count on when challenges present themselves. Remember that one or two supportive friends beat a busload of dismissive friends. Surround yourself with people who are fully engaged in their purpose.
- Nurture positive relationships and not negative ones. Show support to your friends and build them up.
Focus on what value you can bring rather than what you want to receive. If you don’t have positive relationships, begin to find some. If it entails you change the environment, do so.
- I am so angry and i can’t let go:
Make no mistake, anger is a valid and healthy emotion. It informs you when you feel threatened or violated and prepares you to defend yourself.
- Do not suppress or deny anger, it will find its way out in terrible ways. Allow it to tell you, something is wrong but never allow it to take control of you.
- Find a way to release that anger you feel. You could take slow deep breaths, count to 20, scream in an empty room, punch a punching bag or take a walk, whatever works for you.
- Once you feel calmer, decide whether to take action or let it go. If you had a misunderstanding with someone, bend the person a message expressing your thoughts and needs. Holding onto anger can only destroy you.
- I feel lost and have no idea what I’m doing:
Everyone gets to feel lost and confused sometimes. The problem with this feeling is the indecisiveness it causes us.
- Acknowledge that feeling this way is fine. You can never have it all figured out. Your decisions can never be perfect.
- Understand what your core values are as this will serve as a map to help you decide what path will feel meaningful and rewarding. Take steps daily towards the direction that leads to where you want end up.
Negative feelings are inevitable, you cannot run away from them. The goal is to allow them, learn from them and let them go. Do not give them a permanent dwelling place in your life.
Always make sure you do what it takes to chase them away. It can never be easy for one person as it is for another person.
If yours is taking a lot of time to leave and is beginning to take more rooms in your life, seeing a therapist is highly recommended, remember that no man is an island by himself, never feel ashamed of getting help.