The major signs that you are dating a narcissist
People who are overly too into themselves are usually tagged as a narcissist, they talk about themselves on a first date, never get tired of talking about themselves, you can describe a person like this as having heightened self-worth or self-confidence, but it does not necessarily mean he/she is a self-centered individual or a narcissist.
Who then is a Narcissist?
A true narcissist is someone with narcissistic personality disorder (NPD), mostly identifiable by the following characteristics:
- A deep need for excessive attention & admiration
- An inflated sense of importance
- Lack of empathy for others
- Constantly troubled relationships
It usually entails selfishness (usually extreme) at the expense of others, plus the inability to consider others‘ feelings at all.
According to the most recent edition of the diagnostic and statistical manual of mental disorders, a person needs to meet at least five of the following nine criteria to clinically qualify as a narcissist:
- Grandiose sense of self-importance
- Preoccupation with fantasies of unlimited success, power, brilliance, beauty or ideal love.
- Believe they are special and unique and can only be understood by or should associate with others. Special or high-status people or institutions.
- Need for excessive admiration.
- Sense of entitlement
- Interpersonally exploitable behavior
- Lack of empathy
- Envy of others or a belief that others are envious of them.
- Demonstration of arrogant and naughty behaviors or attitudes.
Being able to pinpoint if a person is a narcissist using the official guideline could be a bit difficult especially if the person is your partner.
A narcissist may appear driven, ambitious charismatic, disciplined, and even fun to some people but with time, their real self eventually gets revealed.
A narcissist may also display attributes of hypocrisy, pathological lying, and emotional unavailability.
Causes of Narcissistic behavior
In people who possess NPD, the trait is most times fixed in them. There is no major originating cause of narcissistic behavior but there are determining factors:
- Being over pampered as a child
- Broken home
- Being abandoned and1 forced to rely on themselves.
These people have replaced the lack of love and support from a parent by overemphasizing their own self-worth. NPD (Narcissistic personality disorder) seems to affect more males than females. Not everyone who exhibits the common traits is motivated by fame or money. It’s important to make this distinction in the area of relationships.
Narcissists in a relationship feel they are more temperamentally sensitive than others, they react poorly to gentle criticism, they feel superior to others.
Signs proving you are dating a Narcissist
One thing for sure is that Narcissists can be very charming and highly skilled at attracting people. Their charisma can light up a room that is why some people easily fall into the trap of dating them.
Narcissists are super smart, very manipulative as they play into your vulnerabilities, egos and you are almost stuck being deeply into them that you tend not to even detect these traits. They are:
If your partner is manipulative, it could be a sign he/she is a narcissist as manipulation is a major trait they possess. They have the ability to turn situations to suit their narrative, it can be really frustrating and exhausting for their partners because they are so skillful at it that one second you are mad and blaming them for something and the next second you’re at fault and they are the victims.
Narcissists are masters of getting what they want and because they lack empathy, they go to any length to get it not caring how bad it may affect their partners.
Manipulation is their tool to get validation and attention which is their basic needs.
They lack Empathy
Narcissists lack the ability to recognize the experiences and feelings of other people as long as it favors them. They are good at overstepping the boundaries of others.
They will easily say very mean words to you and not consider the pains their words would have caused. They most times engage in a one-way discussion about themselves and tend to get impatient and annoyed when the other person talks about him/herself.
People with the NPD (Narcissistic personality disorder) syndrome have really shallow emotions and having them as partners means you won’t most times be comforted on difficult days. They usually just blank out or ignore you when you are expressing really deep emotions. You now find yourself doing all it takes to get their comfort and warmth.
People with NPD are very accustomed to this psychological trick. Projection is a defense or an unconscious pattern that occurs when the poison feels psychologically threatened. The narcissistic ego is always monitoring the world for threats and often finds them, then they quickly blame other people for their deficits.
Why projection can be frustrating is because your partner keeps blaming you for wrongs they are doing, and you actually are not doing it. It may not specifically be about cheating or betrayal, most times they are accusing you of their vulnerabilities and weakness so if your partner is doing this, could be a sign you are dating a narcissist.
They are controlling-
Narcissists could be control freaks, they control you but still remain completely uninterested in other aspects of your life. Wanting to be part of your partners’ life is natural but having to control them is not healthy.
Controlling, in this case, entails always wanting to know where you are going, checking your text messages and emails, telling you what to wear and what not to wear, trying to make all the crucial decisions in your life with little or no regard for your opinion.
In recent time, they have been a link of gaslighting to narcissism. The term Gas Light arose from a play in the 1930s where a man kept attempting to drive his wife crazy by turning down the gas-powered lights in the house. When the wife asks why he is dimming the lights, he denies saying they are no light dimmer.
Gaslighting is emotional abuse that involves denying a person’s experience and making statements like “you are being too sensitive or overreacting, it never happened”.
When you bring up something that concerns you and your partner, and he turns it into something you said years before or tries to deflect it. The repercussions or effect of gaslighting is that it leaves you confused, and you begin to question your own reality, you become the one always apologizing, you begin to lose your joy and peace of mind.
They exaggerate their accomplishment
A narcissist is all about how awesome they are, how much they have accomplished, and how talented they are. Their sense of self-importance is most times exaggerated and they believe their existence is bigger and more important than anyone else including their partners.
They end up cheating
In search of complete relevance, admiration, staying important, they tend to be unfaithful. They may keep a steady relationship with you but grow other needs outside their relationship with you.
What do you do Next?
People with NPD (Narcissistic personality disorder) will find people who struggle with confidence and they will manipulate you to feel worthless and helpless without them.
Remind yourself always that your worthful and deserve so much better, you should not beg to be loved correctly.
Talk to your partner about it and consider going for therapy together, if it still does not work out, for your sanity’s sake, cut ties with them because being with someone who constantly criticizes you, belittles you, and gaslights you is not healthy.
Narcissists do not ever feel fulfilled no matter what they have because there is nothing really special to them, you will never be enough for them because they are not enough for themselves, they need validation from people to stay relevant.
This article is just for re-evaluation, if you or your partner happens to possess most of this characteristic, you may likely need to go to therapy with them, and if it does not work, for your sanity’s sake cutting ties with them may be the next best option.