5 reasons why you keep dreaming about your ex
It’s not just you…….
This sort of question is quite interesting and begs to be answered by people who still feel connected to their ex. And believe me, it’s very natural and normal to wonder why you keep dreaming about your ex.
Seeing an ex in your dream and waking up from it can be shocking and confusing. This could trigger major stress especially if this “ex” is someone you would love to forget about. How would you feel if you see someone you would rather forget about in your dream?
Waking up to a dream about your ex may also trigger memories and feelings that were long gone – memories that were buried.
We have come across one or two persons in our lives who have said they constantly dream about their ex. What I am trying to say is, it’s a reoccurring dream. “I see him/her every time I dream”, they say, and they want to know why it’s like that.
Well, what are dreams? Freud was the first person in the entire universe with a view on dreams and this view was published but later criticized and discredited in the field of psychotherapy.
According to Freud, “dreams are unfulfilled wishes”.
“there was in every dream the attempted or successful gratification of some wish, conscious or unconscious…. the dream actually has a secret meaning, which turns out to be the fulfillment of a wish”
Dreams are actually what we desire and want in reality. So, if you see an ex in your dreams playing a violent role, featuring a romantic and dreamy scene like we always see in the movies or being whatever, then according to Freud, it is an indication that your subconscious is directly desiring something.
If you dream about an ex, especially if it’s a recent ex that you want back into your life, then that’s you subconsciously wishing for it.
According to Lauri Quinn Loewenberg, a dream specialist and analyst, what you see in your dream and also what you experience is a reflection of what’s going on with you and not what’s going on between you and the people involved in your dreams.
And Loewenberg says the issue with you all balls down to:
- Sexual dissatisfaction
- Resolved or unresolved feelings about your ex or the breakup
- Emotional dissatisfaction
I’d like you to know that dreaming about an ex is quite normal and common, and over curiosity might lead you into misinterpreting your dream. I know we all prefer dreaming about a bucket of ice cream, someone we really love and want to be with, getting a new job, going to Disney land to dreaming about an ex.
Dreaming about an ex may spur series of thoughts and meanings but to keep you on the right track, we would like to list some common dreams and their meanings as explained by Loewenberg.
Dreaming about a recent ex:
If you dream about a significant other you recently broke up with, then your subconscious is trying to help you move on from it and get over it. According to Loewenberg, “your subconscious is trying to help you get through the breakup, heal from it, understand and analyze how you feel about the breakup”
Dreaming about a long-ago ex:
It’s quite confusing if you dream about a person you broke up with a long time ago. Your ex represents feelings of excitement, desire, spark, hope and embodies what love feels like in your dream. This dream usually happens when there is no spark anymore in your life and what you need is a little bit of spice.
According to Loewenberg, “seeing a long-ago ex in your dream is a way your subconscious tries to remind you of how wonderful love can be and what it feels like”
Dreaming about getting back together with your ex:
So, it’s definitely time to sit and ask if your subconscious is trying to tell or push you into getting back with your ex.
If an ex apologizes to you in a dream and asks you both to get back together, you would probably assume your ex actually wants you back. Whether you like to admit it or not, the thought will come.
Loewenberg explains that you are totally wrong. She says “it’s actually you that wants your ex back and trying to explore the possibilities of it ever happening”
Dreaming about being rejected by a recent ex:
For your pride, dignity, and sanity, you will never want to be rejected by an ex. But if you dream about a recent ex rejecting you, Loewenberg notes “that’s your dream trying to bring you back to reality”.
Whatever your ex does to you in a dream that speaks rejection either verbally or through action, that is what you are saying or doing to yourself in regards to your ex. For instance, if your ex says “please go, I do not want you back”, you are the person actually saying the phrase.
Dreaming about being back in an abusive relationship:
Loewenberg says that “dreaming about getting back together with an abusive ex signifies that you are still suffering from the abuse”.
It is traumatizing and we advise you to speak to a professional therapist to get you out of such a dilemma. Also, try to help yourself by disallowing the abuse, stop beating yourself up, stop getting mad because as you do so, your dream reflects it.
Dreaming about a breakup reoccurring:
Loewenberg further explains using the timeframe of the breakup (how long it has been).
She says “if the breakup was recent, you haven’t healed and gotten over it. You are experiencing it over and over again”
But, if the breakup happened a long time ago and you keep dreaming about it, then you need to ask yourself some questions. Ask yourself if any traumatizing event has happened recently.
Dreaming about getting physical:
With an ex? Then it’s really time you begin asking if you still love your ex.
Loewenberg says “this dream may mean you want to reconnect with your ex.
Dreaming about having a kid together:
If you still like your ex, a part of you hopes that this dream comes to reality but If you do not like your ex, a part of you is terrified.
Loewenberg’s explanation to this is “kids represent channels to start anew and grow.” So, having a kid with your ex in your dreams means your ex is permitting you to give birth to a new you and fresh starts.
Dreaming about your ex being in a new relationship:
Then this is good for you as you have finally accepted that your ex is going to move on or has moved on already.
In case you are still holding on, it is best for you to move on too.
While these are the meanings and interpretations of your dreams by dream expert and specialist, Loewenberg. There are also reasons as to why you keep dreaming about your ex.
Why do I keep dreaming about my ex?
You are still holding on:
You are dreaming about your ex because you still have feelings for them. In as much as you may try to deny or hide it, the feelings are there. What you need to do is take a deep breath and reflect on the possibilities of you both getting back together. If it’s something you really want, I am sure you know what the next step to take is.
You haven’t healed:
Healing is a gradual process we know. But to stop dreaming about your ex, you have to heal from the hurt and pain. You are still afraid of getting hurt and going through the stress of loving again.
Maybe your ex-relationship was brutal and abusive. Your ex will feature as a guest of honor in your dream until you heal.
You have to let go and allow yourself to heal. When you heal, you permit yourself to start new and better relationships.
You are worried about the success of a new relationship:
If you dream about an ex when you are venturing into a new relationship with a totally different person. Then you are probably comparing the old and new. The reason for this comparison between your old partner and the new one is to decipher if it’s going to work out this time.
You do this in your subconscious by identifying what was present or lacking in your old relationship as compared to the present one. So, your subconscious is helping you decipher if the new relationship is best for you.
The feelings toward your ex are unresolved:
You dream about your ex because you are not yet settled with the way things ended between you both or because you are still fighting a mind battle.
You have to try to resolve whatever feelings you have towards your ex so you can learn from the relationship and avoid the same mistakes later in the future.
You miss the memories:
Seeing your ex in a dream may not necessarily mean that you miss them, love them or want to reconnect with them. It could be that you miss the things you both did together and want to experience it again.
You may miss the places you visited during that time, where you lived, or something that happened at that time.
Dreaming helps us analyze and better understand ourselves. Dreaming also helps us access, remember, and rearrange memories especially if they are old memories but most importantly, dreaming also helps organize how new memories are stored.
Therefore, you are dreaming about your ex because something has triggered it, be it an old memory or a new one. For instance, you may meet someone who reminds you of your ex and suddenly, your brain starts arranging old memories and processing them.
But, all of these are just current theories of dreams that are not really concrete.
There are different reasons as to why you dream about your ex, some of which you can confidently say. These dreams can mean all kinds of things and several dream experts may have different meanings and reasons for each dream.
Most times, the dreams about your ex are not connected to them at all. It’s rarely about them 95% of the time. These dreams are messages to help us learn and build healthier relationships
But, the best way to understand and know what message your dream is trying to pass is to look within yourself. You may have the answers that we don’t.
If at all your dreams are
- Causing you stress and distress
- Is haunting you
- is a consistent thing
- and you are having a hard time shaking off the feeling,
We advise you seek the help of a professional tele therapist. A tele therapist can help you understand why such dreams are occurring as well as find specific steps to help you stop them.
Know that dreaming about your ex is normal and common!!!