A lot of motivational talks and sermons have spoken about this concept “you are your worst enemy” but the truth is most people find it hard to believe that they are responsible for the negative occurrence in their lives.
People blame everything and everyone about their present situation, they blame life, God, their country’s economy, governance, parents, friends, year, month, zodiac sign, family members and even the weather condition.
Does this make any sense to you? How can you continually blame other people for the misfortune that you face? If you blame your parents throughout your teenage years who will you blame when you have your own children? It doesn’t make any sense that we believe that most problems we face have external roots rather than internal.
The mere fact that we believe that the problem we face are externally instigated shows that we actually have problems with ourselves.
In the world today, there are lot of people who cannot handle been held responsible for any wrong occurrence, it’s so bad that most times when they discover that all evidence points towards them as the culprit, they immediately claim to be the victim of the circumstance.
As humans it’s no news that sometimes bad things happen but how we relate to these events matters a lot. It’s okay to feel bad when certain things happen but should we always look towards external factors as the cause of our problems? Do we continually blame people for these bad events that happen to us?
Of course most times external factors might actually play a role in the bad situations we face. For example; there was a young girl who was sheltered all her life, she has zero friends, her social life was non-existent, her parents made sure she socialized with nobody, in school she was the nerd and freak that no one wanted to associate with.
Zoe never knew what it felt like to make friends, she didn’t know how to start a conversation all she knew was how to read her books and A’s her result.
At 16 Zoe parents got introduced to a new religion that condemned anti-socialization, her parents felt so sorry and decided to let their daughter socialize with people but Zoe felt like it was too late.
She couldn’t bring herself to forgive her parents, she couldn’t learn to communicate with people, the more her parents tried to help her socialize the worse she got and finally she retreated into a mental cage.
Her parents watched their only child deteriorate slowly and no too long she was diagnosed with depression after she tried to commit suicide for three consecutive times. Now Zoe is in a rehabilitation centre constantly blaming her parents for who she has become.
It is evident from this story that Zoe parents are majorly involved in everything that has gone wrong in their daughter’s life but the truth is they didn’t know better.
I know some people might say that “sorry is not a magic eraser that can make all the years of hurt and pain fade away” this is very true but ask yourself a simple question, how long will Zoe hold on to this blame and hatred for her parents?
Her parents have moved into a new religion and of course made new friends, no matter how bad they feel about their role in Zoe present situation it won’t stop them from being happy when they are surrounded by their friends who love and support them.
Unlike Zoe, her parents have something she doesn’t have, they have friends who will support and love them throughout this period.
If Zoe keeps holding on to this hurt and pain she will just keep getting worse, but If she learns to slowly forgive her parents and accept love around her probably from the doctors and nurses that care for her. Her condition will improve greatly and she will be able to move into a more beautiful and bright future ahead of her.
Most of us are like Zoe, we hold on to past hurt, we hate the people who made us feel bad even when they are in another part of the world living their best lives.
When we choose to forgive people that hurt us we are giving ourselves the chance to heal and advance to greater heights. Don’t hold yourself back because of past mistakes, negative conceptions or ideologies if you do, then you are your worst enemy.
How to know you are your worst enemy
If you notice that the traits or signs listed below are part of your lifestyle, these shows that you are actually responsible for most of your problems. It is important that take note of these and work towards ridding yourself of these characters.
1.Constantly competing externally
“Never compare yourself with anyone” this is a very popular statement used by a lot of people in the world but how many people actually understand what this statement really means?
There are a lot of statements people constantly say but they don’t actually take their time to understand what the statement really means. As humans we are all different, we speak differently, understand things differently, have different wishes and desires, therefore, there is no factor that should be used to compare two people because they are two distinct individuals.
We should aim to exceed our performance of yesterday and not the performance of our colleagues, in this world, we are not rivals and as such our sole aim shouldn’t be to supersede our fellow humans rather it should be to exceed our past record.
For example as a student, if you had 84 in a test that’s great, you should aim to have 85 or more in the next test. Don’t look at student B who had 99 in the test, that will only lead to depression especially when you don’t get a higher score than student B in the next test.
Gradually improve your skills, learn new techniques, ask questions regularly, never stop acquiring new approaches and you will continually exceed your past performance.
Do not get stuck in a situation of self-hate, stop getting inspired to beat other people’s progress rather be inspired to create a new record for yourself.
There is a thin line between self-love and selfishness, when you love yourself you will know that it is important to show love to people too, showing love to people fills you with happiness and Joy.
This is not the case with a selfish person, a selfish person is always scared of lack therefore they believe in hoarding resources in order to have more during the rainy days. A selfish person cares only for themselves forgetting that what one sows he also reaps.
When you freely give out what you have (money, resources, knowledge) to people who are lacking in certain aspects, it comes back to you in ways you might never expect. Don’t hoard your resources as this will only result in harming you both now and in the future.
There are certain people you would have helped that can offer their help to you in the future, they could also have the connection you need to elevate your position. Don’t be selfish as it yields only negative results.
Lack of self discipline
So many people in the world lack discipline, they have no control over the things they do or the way they do them and this is not the right way to live.
Procrastination has ruined so many businesses, talents, skills and multi-million dollar ideas, it has robbed so many people of the luxury life they dreamed of. If you want to achieve something it is important that you dedicate your time, attention and resources towards achieving it.
Stop saying tomorrow “tomorrow never comes” every day is always today and the day after today is yesterday. Tomorrow never really comes, if you have a task to achieve ensure that you dedicate your time and focus on achieving your given task.
There are so many things that can cause distractions but a disciplined person will give priority to important things and pursue their goals until they achieve them. If you are constantly joking with your goals, pushing them off till tomorrow and always distracted try to bury these characters as they will only lead to ruin.
Comfortable in your comfort zone
Most people are just so comfortable, they have been in a particular position for 5-10 years and they feel so relaxed at that spot.
If you wish to be your best friend and not your enemy then you should kick this character out of your life. Let’s take a practical example, imagine staying in nursery school for 6- 10 years, learning the same thing throughout these years?
At some point, you will get so bored and tired of the whole regime? Then why should you be satisfied when you stay at one spot for 10 years without any form of growth? This is totally unacceptable.
Don’t be comfortable in a particular position for so long, learn new skills, try out new approaches, try to arrive at the same result with different methods don’t have just one way of doing things.
Whenever you notice that you have stayed so long in a particular thing, take a step out of your comfort zone, explore new standards and never conform yourself to a particular level.
Your mantra should be “At every end, there is a bend”
Lack of personal standards or principles
Most people lack personal standards or principles hence they accept everything as it comes. This should not be your way of life as it is completely unhealthy to your mental health.
There are some things you can tolerate, there are others you can condone. However, there are other things you just can’t accept.
Do not be a people pleaser (that’s a hard job), you cannot spend 24 hours of your day trying to please people, how about you? How about what you stand for? Your morals, rights, beliefs? Are you going to treat them casually like they mean nothing just because you want to please someone?
You cannot sincerely love yourself when you allow people to constantly toil with your standards and principles. Don’t bend your principles to get into a good book with anybody, if someone cannot get up to your standards then that’s their problem, not yours.
Don’t sacrifice your happiness for a momentarily period of friendship because that will be a parasitic relationship with you as the prey.
Total dependence on people
If you constantly rely on people to save you, what will happen on the day when nobody is available.
Learn to depend on your ability, it’s true that no man is an island but it’s also important to note that no man is your bank or therapist (except when you pay for a session). The people in our lives are there to support us when we are weak, to pull us up when we are falling and to encourage us when we fall to encourage ourselves.
If you are also complaining to a particular person every time, constantly asking them for money at some point they might get tired of being your “complain bank”
It is important that we always remember that everybody has their own challenges that they are faced with therefore it is advisable that you search within yourself for the cause of the problem you constantly face and seek solutions.
Your friend’s help should be minimal, you are tasked with the most important job because it is your life.
The kind of things some people think will befall them is quite shocking to imagine. How can someone constantly associate themselves with evil and negativity? Is there nothing good you can think about? No thoughts of joy, peace, love, success?
Pessimism is a choice but it can easily become a habit, do not choose to believe the worse about yourself instead seek to believe the best.
What profits do you receive when the only thoughts you think towards yourself are bad thoughts? Think carefully before giving a response to the question.
Exercise: Practice sincere and heartfelt optimism for a week, if you notice a positive result then stick with optimism and quit pessimism.
Lack of trust in one’s self
Most people hold the words of others in high regard, they believe more of what people say about them rather than what they say about themselves. This is not the perfect way to live your life.
Learn to trust yourself, if you don’t exhibit self-love then you cannot trust yourself. Believe in your creative abilities, skills and talents don’t let naysayers belittle your skills and talents.
The fact that no one celebrates your skills or you have 0- 1 like on Instagram and Twitter doesn’t mean that you are not good enough. You are good at what you do, don’t let anyone tell you something different.
Your skills and talents alone are not enough to survive in this world, you need to learn more. Stay updated on the recent skills and techniques associated with your talents and skills.
Engage in self sabotaging
Stop killing yourself with your hands, it doesn’t yield any profit instead it could lead to mental illness or death.
You are supposed to give yourself pep-talk not hate talk, love speeches not negative sermons, spa date not self inflicted injuries day. Stop hurting yourself because you can, instead love, build and celebrate yourself because you can.
Have unrealistic goals and expectations for yourself
A 16 year old boy was asked to write his goals for the new year, below is the list he presented.
I will by the latest Lamborghini by March
I will buy an entire estate for my parents
I will buy a first edition book and have over 1000 autographs of celebrities globally.
I will organise a Christmas party for the less privileged and grant their Christmas wishes (what if the wish was to resurrect a dead parent or relative).
Note: He had no source of income, just 2 skills, living with his parents, had no long lost dead grand parents who left a will for him as his both grandparents were hale and hearty.
How on earth did he hope to achieve all these? That’s exactly the kind of list most people have set for themselves. If you want to set goals ensure that your goals are specific, measurable, achievable, and time bound, don’t write out unrealistic goals that you might not achieve then you end up branding yourself as a failure.
I have heard a lot of people say “my migraine” “my worst mistake” “my sickness” “my poverty” “my nightmare” why are you personalizing a problem?
You are making the problem feel special by allocating a personal title to it, there is no need to add personal feelings to the challenges you face.
Personalizing a problem shows that you are readily accepting the problem as a regular occurrence in your life.
Holding on to past mistakes
Humans make mistakes and this is something we should never forget. Learn to forgive yourself as holding on to your past errors can offer you nothing but hurt.
Fail to appreciate little milestones
We all want to achieve great things, live in luxury and positively influence our generation but how thankful are we for those little achievements.
Learn to show gratitude for the baby steps you are taking towards achieving your dreams as this matters a lot.
Overly critic of yourself
It Is okay to criticize your work in order to ascertain how great you did and where you need to make adjustments however when this is excessively done it becomes really bad.
Don’t spend so much time criticizing yourself without giving your skills any credit, over criticism could lead to low productivity and even loss of skill.
There’s a popular saying that “love conquers all” when we love ourselves we will be willing to give up habits and characters that negatively impact our lives.
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