11 shocking red flags in a relationship
Does your significant other seem to be acting out of character and you want to know when the red flag is waving at you?
Or have you found someone you like and finally decided it’s time to venture into a new relationship?
To avoid history repeating itself, you want to know the common red flags you shouldn’t ignore?
Whatever your answer is to these questions. It’s no lie how complicating and cumbersome a relationship tends to be sometimes.
There is the part where everyone is all lovey-dovey and super invested in the relationship: committed, supportive, romantic, and all of that.
But there are times when there is a disconnection, you no longer feel what you used to feel before, there is no active investment towards making the relationship work.
Even little actions like calls, gifts, dates, down to a smile all fade.
What are Red flags in a relationship? Should you call the relationship a quit when you notice a red flag? Or better still, sit with your significant other and sort it out? All these questions need honest answers and we will answer them.
According to a psychologist, Madeleine Mason Roantree, “A red flag is something your partner does that indicates a lack of respect, integrity, or interest towards the relationship”.
Now, red flags are not habits usually portrayed by your partner.
Unusual habits can easily be regarded as behavioral quirks and they include chewing gum all the time, loud laughter, gazing throughout the day, licking lips frequently, pacing while thinking, using air quotes while talking, snacking excessively, very selective of food, a meandering walk, cracking knuckles frequently, clearing the throat often, preferred sitting position, messy eater, etc.
But none of the above should be regarded as red flags in a relationship even though you have issues with them.
The actions listed above are behavioral quirks and they are unusual, strange, and unexpected. You may have to learn to cope with them because behavioral quirks are not even the deal-breakers.
When there is a continuous abuse of power over you, it’s time to check for a red flag.
We know how hard it is to check for a red flag when you are deeply connected to your partner.
You may want to be fully centered on the positives and the ways you could make the relationship work while ignoring the really toxic traits.
Do not be so caught up in the web and passion of romance till you miss out on the wrong warnings. Below is a list of common red flags in a relationship you shouldn’t totally ignore. Be on the lookout!!!
Common Red Flags in a Relationship.
They Haven’t Gotten Over Their Past Relationship
If at all you are dating someone who is still lingering on their old relationship, you should call it a quit. To them, you are just someone who is meant to fix them and stay with them. Such relationships do not work out.
It’s really crazy sticking to a relationship when the other partner is not totally involved. It becomes crazier when your partner just wants to stay committed to their ex. You shouldn’t be investing in such a relationship as it is a total deal-breaker.
What you deserve is someone worthy of your love. A person who is willing to share their hearts and soul with you and not someone still obsessed with their ex.
If your partner still communicates frequently with their ex, keeps pictures of them, always talks about their ex, and stalk them on social media. Then unless you are not a substitute, rebound, or second option, call it a quit.
Communication is Zero
For any relationship to work, communication is key. When we say communication, we do not mean frequent calls and text messages.
What we mean is the ability to air out thoughts freely, mutual expression, and deep connection while talking.
Can you confidently talk to your partner about the things that bother or intrigue you and vice versa? Topics like sexual desires, vacations, plans, and even daily activities should be handled honestly and deeply.
Does your partner try to criticize, shut you up, or switch topics each time you both are involved in a deep or important conversation? If yes, this is an obvious example of red flags in a relationship,
Your excuse for this might be that the relationship is new and you both need time to start having deep conversations and share secrets.
To be honest, compatible partners always find ways to work around the issue of deep and expressive conversations irrespective of whether the relationship is new or old, sweet or sour.
And this is totally an example of red flags in a relationship. Relationships do not work when there is no trust. What is paramount in the relationship is fear, dishonesty, worries, anger. And all of these puts your mental health in jeopardy.
If your partner is constantly dishonest with you, then they lack integrity and respect for you.
They are Always Hiding Something
Although this is a sequel to trust, it is an obvious example of red flags in a relationship that needs to be dealt with. Yes, your partner needs privacy, and you must give it to them. They have the right to do things on their own without involving you.
But, if your partner is always on the edge about something, acting all nervous and anxious every time you both have a discussion. Or is really possessive of their phones or any device that could store information, then something is up.
They may try to withhold their whereabouts from you or important details about them from you.
You shouldn’t be put in a state where you have to be curious all the time just to find out what’s going on with your partner
They Overstep Boundaries
Respect is necessary and if a person says they respect you, they must be willing to respect the fact that you have boundaries.
Boundaries are your dos and don’ts. They are parameters you set for yourself in regards to what you are willing to settle for in a relationship or what you wouldn’t settle for.
You and your partner should understand what your boundaries are and respect them- it is necessary for a healthy relationship.
If you are always setting boundaries and initiating your rules and your partner just overlooks them, this is a bad sign.
Mistakes are common and could be understood but if your partner violates your rules frequently, it’s a bad sign. For instance, you may set sexual or financial boundaries right before the beginning of the relationship, if your partner crosses these boundaries repeatedly, it’s a bad sign.
Their Values and Morals Are Different
Just as “like charges attract and unlike charges repel”
If you and your partner’s morals or values are not alike, there is really no form of attraction.
You can’t be attracted to someone who doesn’t believe in the things you believe in.
It’s okay for different persons to have different views on a particular subject but what are their future hopes and plans like? Do they want to have kids like you? Get married and live in a big house with a wonderful family or they are not really into commitment?
If your values are contradictory and you are aware. Run!!!
They disrespect and abuse you
This is already a no-brainer, if it happens, you should call it a quit. If your partner disrespects you in public or just anywhere by raising their hands at you or calling you insulting names, you shouldn’t be in that relationship.
If you both argue, and you are already being called cruel names by your partner, that’s a red flag.
Arguments happen in a relationship, disagreements, and hurt as well and all of these are not inevitable.
They cannot be resolved by violence or verbal abuse. But someone who takes pleasure in disrespecting and abusing you at any point in time shouldn’t be a part of your life. They’ll just cause maximum damage and poor mental health.
They do not Take Responsibility
A responsible and mature person should be accountable for their actions. What we do is by choice, will, and nothing is imposed on us. If your partner blames you for their actions or behavior, then you know it’s a what? A Red Flag.
We are too bent on taking care of our excesses and being too accountable for our actions. It’s already difficult let alone thinking of taking the blame for another person.
They Find It Hard to Say Sorry
Saying sorry has solved plenty of problems and resolved issues. If your partner finds it hard to apologize for their faults and wrongdoings, then it’s a bad sign.
Apologizing is a great way to mend and repair the inevitable fights in a relationship, what happens when your partner fails to admit they are wrong and apologize?
You are caught in the web of trying to swallow and take in all the hurt and pain no matter how hard it is. Or you may even decide to go with the flow.
You are Unhappy
This is a red flag that may be difficult to admit. You know, there are thousands of unhappy persons in relationships who may not admit that they are.
If you are feeling off about the relationship and know it’s not just good for you, that’s your instinct saying you shouldn’t be there.
If you try to do things to please your partner irrespective of the fact that it makes you unhappy, it’s a totally bad sign. Feeling unhappy about your relationship is a red flag you shouldn’t ignore.
There is no Label to the Relationship
After few months and there is no label to the relationship. You do not know what you are or what your stand is in the relationship.
It seems like you both are together and that’s just it- it’s confusing.
If your partner hasn’t introduced you to friends or family and you do not know the important persons in their life, it’s a red flag. It shows a lack of commitment on their part.
And if your family or friends do not approve of the relationship, it’s a red flag….
Your relationship is going nowhere. No label. No approval.
What to Do If You Experience Red Flags.
We all are imperfect beings and we possess traits that our partners may not appreciate.
If you have noticed these red flags from your partner, you don’t need to call it a quit. They may be ignorant of the fact that they act that way.
The best thing to do is have a proper conversation with your partner in regards to the red flags you noticed. See where it goes from there.
If they listen, apologize, and show a willingness to improve, then give them a second chance.
But, if they act aggressive, nonchalant, and unwilling to work on themselves, then it’s obvious they were actually waving the red flag.
End the relationship and move on. Do not feel guilty, if at all your partner disregards and disrespects your feelings and it makes you feel unhappy and uncomfortable, then leave the relationship.
Eed flags in a relationship could be resolved or signify the end of the relationship.
You should always have a deal-breaker for every relationship. There should be things you are willing to put up with and things you are not willing to put up with to stay in a relationship.
If your partner crosses your boundaries, disrespects you, abuses you, and acts out of character. You should have a rethink on whether the relationship is ideal for you.
Always watch out for red flags in a relationship whether it’s old or new.